Sunday, October 10, 2004
Let It All Hang Out
I don’t know how I managed to get all worked up about this thing with The Guy I Really Like while I am here in Vegas supposedly trying to have fun. I mean, it’s been fun and I’ve been out and about and what have you, but I think not seeing him before I left made me really miss him while I’ve been gone.
So I talked to him yesterday before we left to go out. And I was already buzzed while we were talking, but after numerous Vanilla Vodka/Diet Cokes at the Monte Carlo, I called him while we were waiting to catch the shuttle back to the condo. And you know what happens when you drunk dial. All sorts of things came out of my mouth.
See, things are complicated because I knew there were a few things working against us to begin with. Like the fact he doesn’t live in San Diego. Or that he’s taking 15 units this semester. Oh, and he works two jobs and one of those jobs is with a really good friend of mine, who doesn’t know any of this is going on. Yeah.
I know he can't give me everything I would like to have right now. I thought I was content for it to be that way. But that's not how it came across last night. I think I sounded like a whiny girl and I *hate* that. But because he's so cool, he was totally a sweetheart. I was really argumentative at some point and basically told him that if he told me to fuck off that I would never call him again. Because I am like that. You tell me to fuck off and I will. I'm not about hanging out where I am not wanted. And he told me he couldn't do that because he cares too much about us.
So where does that leave us? We're still doing this thing, but I think I need to back off a bit. Which is fine. I am a busy girl. When I get back home, I am going to bust my ass at the gym to combat all the good food I have been cooking (and eating). And the M & M's. Such a sucker for M & M's. And there's the social thing. And of course, all the time I put into work. Hopefully that will distract me enough to get my head on straight and get back to enjoying what I have with this guy instead of fucking it all up.
I feel much better now that I wrote about it all. Off to make some breakfast and to pack so I can head home. See you on the flip side.
« rawk off
